I regularly post on Facebook and Twitter about language. My strongest coaching tool is helping my clients become aware of their self talk. As we all know language has power and how we talk to ourselves can make or break our self-esteem. That said, here is a list of words to become aware of in your speech.
Should: The best thing to say about this one is, “Don’t should on yourself” When the word is used there usually is obligation places on the act on which you feel the need to follow through. Now here is a tough one… Only do the things that you want to do. For example “I should go to work.” Sure work is not necessarily great everyday but we want to make money to pay our bills. Hence you want to make money so you go to work. We get something out of everything that we do so I invite you to look at your motives and find the want in what you’re doing. Then once you can find your want versus your should you are able to remove the obligation and guilt that comes along with the should.
Need: Listen to how often you use the word need… When we need something we do not approach it with the same energetic strength that we would had we approached it with a want. Again with the want 😉 We follow through with our goals when they are a want versus a need. Our obstacles block us when obligation strikes us. Look again…
But: ” I wanted to go swimming today but it was rainy and I thought twice about it.” When you use the word but in a sentence you negate what is initially said. So by looking at the sentence you really did not want to go swimming because it rained and you changed your mind. In a sentence like this the but is really quite innocuous. Though when used in a sentence like. “I thought your show was fantastic but in the second act…..” So you really didn’t think the show was fantastic. I simply invite you to look at what and how you are speaking to yourself and others. Do you want your anabolic phrases to land on their own merit or would you rather land on the down note.
Can and Can’t: These 2 words are simple. You are saying I choose to and I don’t choose to. Now sometimes we are physically unable to do things and if we were able to choose we would. Like say for instance fly on our own accord. That said if you are, let’s say invited to a party it is completely ok to say you are unable to go due to a prior engagement but (and yes I just used the word but on purpose) if you can’t? No. You are choosing to go to your prior engagement. Everything you do in life is a choice. Be empowered with your thinking and choose how you respond. Be the cause of your life not at the effect of it.
Again back to the shoulds, needs, can’ts and buts…. How do you want to approach life? Empowered and anabolic? To quote one of my favorite children’s poets Shel Silverstein:
“Listen to the mustn’ts, child. Listen to the don’ts.
Listen to the shouldn’ts, the impossibles, the won’ts.
Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me…
Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.”
Listen to how you think….