Sarah hamilton's Blog

This is where you'll find my musings on Gratitude, Inspiration, Stillness and Awe…. "Transform your thoughts, transform your life"

Reminder that I am human… October 30, 2012

I’m sure everyone is thinking that I’m going to bog about hurricane Sandy that hit the eastern seaboard the past couple of days or maybe even this contentious election campaign that’s going on right now… but no.  To start here’s a little back story about me.  As some of you may or may not know I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis over 11 years ago and to this date I have done very well with no true “Relapses” in all that time. It even stayed away from the stress and side effects when I went through months of cancer treatment.   Yeah I know I was spanked hard in a short period of time…..

That said I have had during this past month my very first relapse since I was diagnosed (I think).  I truly count myself very lucky… With all my meditating and lecturing on  living in the moment I believe I was as prepared as I would ever have been.  There’s more…I also live with migraine.  (I don’t say suffering because as we all know pain is inevitable but suffering is optional.)  My neurologists don’t think that there’s a connection but they can’t say that they’re not connected to my MS.  I have changed my diet, meditate, receive regular acupuncture, swim (due to back surgery 2 years ago), I’ve tried reiki, not taken meds and taken meds.  All this to say that if there is a healthy possibility that it might alleviate my pain, I’ve tried it or do it.  I finally gave in to Botox treatments after regularly living with about 20 migraines a month. (this is the condensed version :-))

Now put that on top of an MS relapse that takes its form of severe vertigo and nausea with excessive Restless Leg Syndrome.  My world has been tossed sideways. I haven’t blogged in a while due to these given circumstances.  I am reminded to be gentle, to keep moving forward. To say no to certain things And to say yes to others.

But now I have to admit that for the first time in my life when I haven’t felt well it was not just me.  There is someone else who is concerned for me.  I have actually felt that “what if…” What if he sees me sick and can’t handle me this way and leaves.  As untrue as I know that to be I still got a little scared.  I have learned to function very well with pain.  I continue to go about my day even though my world is in constant motion.  I am regularly, regularly reminded that so much about life is trusting in oneself. Loving oneself.  I do not live my life as a victim… you know what I mean… the “Why me?!” syndrome.  Or using my wound as the way I am defined…. I call that wound-ology.  My regular response to that is why not me on all fronts.  Why not have great things happen too! With everything it’s a question of choice and how you want to handle it.  There’s that topic again, choice.  I chose to trust and love myself an in turn I chose to trust and love another.  And trust that it will all work itself out in the end. Or right now if it so choses…

 

I know that there are only great things out there for me and everyone else too! So now that the hurricane has moved on… Let’s get back to our regularly scheduled life.

 

Lots of Love!!!

~Sarah

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