Sarah hamilton's Blog

This is where you'll find my musings on Gratitude, Inspiration, Stillness and Awe…. "Transform your thoughts, transform your life"

The Most Important Part of a Conversation September 12, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — sarahhamiltoncoaching @ 9:16 AM
Tags: , , ,

I was chatting with a friend this morning about something I tweeted the other day, “The only thing one has to do in a conversation is listen.” He disagreed.  Which led me to ask why and we talked.  His belief is that it is important, by not the Only thing or there would be no exchange of ideas.  Which is very true.  So I was led to clarify myself…. Listening is the most important part of a conversation.

There is an expression that we have 2 eyes, 2 ears and 1 mouth so we can use our ears twice as much as our mouth.  As a life coach we are taught to listen.  Hearing what and how our clients are talking.  We hear what they are saying not what we think they are saying.  I have learned that there are 3 levels of listening. Subjective, Objective and Intuitive:

Level 1) Subjective listening

Listening is based on the agenda of needs of the listener.  Whatever is said is related back to the listener.

Client: “I had the toughest time trying to get myself up a half hour earlier to take my morning walk.”
Coach: (Answering based on how the coach would handle the situation) “You just have to force yourself.  When I have something to do that I don’t want to do I just remember the Nike commercial, ‘Just do it’”

Level 2) Objective Listening

The listener is completely focused on the person who is speaking.  There are no thoughts about how any of the information relates personally to the listener.  This level is very effective but doesn’t get to the heart of the matter.

Client: “I had the toughest time trying to get myself up a half hour earlier to take my morning walk.”
Coach: You had a struggle but you made it. Congratulations!

Level 3) Intuitive Listening

The listener is listening to all sensory components and intuitively connecting to the speaker’s real message.  The listener is paying attention to not only what the speaker is saying but also to the speaker’s tone of voice, energy level, feelings, etc.  The listener is also paying attention to what is NOT being said.  This is the most powerful form of listening and allows the listener to really connect with the speaker.

Client: “I had the toughest time trying to get myself up a half hour earlier to take my morning walk.”
Coach: (Answers after feeling, without much thinking.)  It sounds like you really want to do this, but are so exhausted that you find it to be very challenging and maybe even a little frustrating.

I have learned that the most effective kind of listening is a combination of levels 2 and 3, mixed with effective open-ended questions.  So use your ears and eyes to hear what the person is saying and how the person is speaking.   It can open up a whole new world when  you actually hear someone and not what you think you are hearing. So again…. Listening is the Most important part of a conversati0n.

Energetically,

~Sarah

 

Deer Caught in the Headlights September 1, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — sarahhamiltoncoaching @ 10:18 AM
Tags: , , , , , ,

It seems that there’s a new show out that’s a spin-off of “Toddlers and Tiara’s” named “Honey Boo Boo” named for the child in it.  I have to say from the get go that I have never watched them.  Show’s like “Jersey Shore” (I’ve also never seen) and these I believe are simply showing the country at its worst.  I don’t disagree that there are people out there like this but why do we have to glorify it? Watching these shows to me seems like deer caught in the head lights who can’t turn away… but we have choice the one consistent topic I have.  We can watch something else or simply turn off the television. What about reading a book?  I even had “Honey Boo Boo and Reality Television” as the title but  changed it because I didn’t want to add to its internet presence.  The most unhealthy thing about this is that there are people who watch it and chose to emulate it. So tell me why are these shows even out there?  I know that they started years ago when there was a writer’s strike and the time needed to be filled and they chose “Big Brother” to launch it all but the shows with these young children is sheer child abuse and bullying as we laugh at it. Where are the children being protected?

 

I don’t tend to use my blog for this kind of discussion around harm but the energy that this kind of television creates is terribly unhealthy.  Why would we watch it when there is so much else out there that is healthy and beautiful.  That which we focus on is magnified… So why not chose to focus on something that is Joyful and loving… So next time you turn on the T.V. ask yourself: How loving is this?  How educational is this?  Am I receiving joy?  Better yet How loving and I being?

 

Energetically,

~Sarah

 

What a move can do… August 17, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — sarahhamiltoncoaching @ 1:34 PM
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

I moved out of NYC a few weeks ago and now everything is either unpacked or put into storage… My move was quiet smooth as far as moves go… Now it’s nose to the proverbial grind stone.  That said I’ve had so many mixed emotions since I have left.  On one hand I have definitely doubted my choice which for me is very rare.  Once I make a decision I have made it. No doubts.  On the other bigger hand I have Loved my new world.  This move involved the biggest heart expanding of all (moving closer to the man who I Love)… I’ve been a little scared.  In the past all my choices and decisions have all been for and about me.  No one else was involved. I know that sounds selfish but being single has allowed me that luxury.  But not this time… Someone else is very much involved.  So I’ve been more aware of ways of keeping peace and simply allowing as my center goal.  I walk a lot and meditate a lot and ride my bike a lot, which I did today saying “Good Morning” joyfully to all my neighbors and running errands!! This is a reminder that though we have absolute choice over everything we think and feel not everything is about us :-).  Allowing for love and communication between two people who love each other is one of the largest growing experiences for a person to have.  I knew that I had done a Lot of work to get to where I was and that I wanted to grow more by being involved with another who had done the same because the growth opportunity would be endless.  I chose Love not fear…

As I say to my clients,”How does taffy become yummy?…. All the pulling and yanking”.  Hence we are like that taffy. The choices we make about our feelings and situations make us into what we are.  And we know that it isn’t always that comfortable. So I know I want to be as yummy as possible…

So bring on the taffy pull!

 

Energetically!

~Sarah

 

What To Do When All Your Efforts Seem To Fail… June 27, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — sarahhamiltoncoaching @ 12:24 PM
Tags: , , , , , ,

Now that I think about it, it depends on how you view failure…. I believe that there isn’t such a thing as failure.  I don’t want to place the judgement on the “thing” that happened as good or bad it’s simply an event in life that gives me a choice as to want I want to do.  Life is merely one moment after another of opportunities to make a choice as to where you want to go from here.

 

We all know the age-old adage, ” When one door closes another door opens.”.  I for one am not actually a fan of that adage.  Throw the windows open!  I think that are always windows and doors open to my house so I can yet again choose.  This expression some how connotes that the door has been shut on us as opposed to being the ones doing the shutting… a bad followed by a good… Why can’t we be the ones to place the weight on how we view our existence…. I’m the one shutting the door.   I know I’m probably getting rather esoteric about my door shutting analogy but think about it, we have choice over how we view what is happening.  If “failure” isn’t an option because there isn’t something we call failure,  just simply steps towards our future… wouldn’t that make a more  joyful life?  I believe that how we respond to everything in life is a choice.  We may not have control over our subconscious thought but we do over our conscious thought.  We have the choice to either suffer or not.  That said what emotions and responses are you choosing that you may want to take on another path…?  As opposed to seeing what we haven’t down look at what you have achieved?  As opposed to seeing the glass half empty, see that there is still water in it at all? I love to find the beauty in the situation so that the harder things are not so hard at all.  And after a while you may not see anything as hard it simply is what it is without any judgement.

 

So go throw your windows open and air it all out!!

 

Energetically with love,

~Sarah

 

Moving Out of NYC June 14, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — sarahhamiltoncoaching @ 8:59 AM
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

In my mind I am a native New Yorker.  I have lived in New York City for 25 years.  I pretty much went to college here and stayed because I love it.  There was a brief sojourn to London for a couple of years but back to NYC I came.  New York was still my home.  I have lived longer here than anywhere else in my life.  That said after what’s been a long and wonderful time where NYC has protected me, made me grow and challenged me I have made the decision to move.  Move?!! you say? Yes.  I am moving up to Connecticut where my my boyfriend and family live.  I want to be closer to him and take the next step on our journey together.

Ok.  Now what’s really going on.  I realize that I at this moment in time I must walk the talk of who I am.  I also want to be straight up about my feelings which are… scared, excited, terrified, exillerated and overwhelmed (hence the exhaustion that has set in).  All that goes into moving a rich life from one state to another is A Lot!  I have moved my life before but I haven’t closed everything (bank accounts, gym memberships, utilities) down and departed. Just finding a bank is rough enough alone because of the timing of electronic bills.  I’m sad that I am leaving my beautiful garden apartment behind.  The usual question I get is, “You’re sub-letting right?” No I am letting it go!  Yes go. Also, I have been spending a ton of time with my boyfriend but when I am living close by what could happen then? (ah oh there’s that fear again!)  When I look at the fear and anxiety that comes up I know that to shift out of it one must explore the feelings, fill in the lines so to speak so that we can shift out of it.  Though while there, it isn’t always that comfortable. Meditation and the breath have been my closest companions.  And boy have I been talking it out… to myself.  If the neighbors could hear me they might be a  bit concerned.  I mean even keeping my mind straight versus it’s tangental thinking has been a chore in and of itself.  I am the list maker…. Oh by the way does anyone want a free piano?  They just need to be willing to move it out of a difficult space? No wait get back to the point!

But then I shift and think about the possibility in what I’m moving to, not away from.  Love!  What is better then that? The ultimate growth is in allowing yourself to be loved and to love in return. And if I can move away from the fear and closer to love then the lesson has been totally worth while.  I know that sounds like a cliche but as the Dalai Lama says, “My religion is kindness”  and the only thing better is love, as he would say.  Or as Don Miguel Ruiz would say.“You don’t need to justify your love, you don’t need to explain your love, you just need to practice your love. Practice creates the master.” There truly isn’t anything else in this world that is important other then love. So I sit with my uncomfortableness and fear so that I may move closer to the love that I know I have.  The greatest reminder is to be as gentle as I can with myself.

Speaking of gentle I must remember I will be close to the train so I can come back in tot the city whenever I want or need to. I’m not going far even though it may feel as such.  And importantly all of my friends I will know will remain part of  my life no matter where I live and I will be apart of theirs.  This is the next step in my growth.  We all have different phases in our lives where we can either allow the growth or stifle it.  I believe growth is a bit like molding clay and we are the clay.  We are being pushed and pulled and squished into something new but in the end we arrive at a piece of art.  I for one am all for the molding of the clay so that we become a beautiful new sculpture.

Where do you allow for the the discomfort to let yourself grow?  What kind of sculpture would you want to be? Me, I’d like to be the Venus de Milo… with arms that is.

 

Energetically,

~Sarah

 

More Brene Brown June 11, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — sarahhamiltoncoaching @ 11:40 AM
Tags: , , , , ,

I have posted about Brene Brown before and she’s remarkable!  I invite you to take a few minutes and watch her Ted Talk.  She states that we find our strength through or vulnerability and shame because when we can can express it we are the most present and creative.  Just watch and you’ll see and Love!!

 

 

 

The language we use June 7, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — sarahhamiltoncoaching @ 3:15 PM
Tags: , , , , , ,

I regularly post on Facebook and Twitter about language. My strongest coaching tool is helping my clients become aware of their self talk.   As we all know language has power and how we talk to ourselves can make or break our self-esteem.  That said, here is a list of words to become aware of in your speech.

Should:  The best thing to say about this one is, “Don’t should on yourself” When the word is used there usually is obligation places on the act on which you feel the need to follow through. Now here is a tough one… Only do the things that you want to do.  For example “I should go to work.”  Sure work is not necessarily great everyday but we want to make money to pay our bills.  Hence you want to make money so you go to work.  We get something out of everything that we do so I invite you to look at your motives and find the want in what you’re doing.  Then once you can find your want versus your should you are able to remove the obligation and guilt that comes along with the should.

Need: Listen to how often you use the word need…  When we need something we do not approach it with the same energetic strength that we would had we approached it with a want.  Again with the want 😉 We follow through with our goals when they are a want versus a need. Our obstacles block us when obligation strikes us. Look again…

But: ” I wanted to go swimming today but it was rainy and I thought twice about it.”  When you use the word but in a sentence you negate what is initially said.  So by looking at the sentence you really did not want to go swimming because it rained and you changed your mind.  In a sentence like this the but is really quite innocuous.  Though when used in a sentence like. “I thought your show was fantastic but in the second act…..” So you really didn’t think the show was fantastic. I simply invite you to look at what and how you are speaking to yourself and others.  Do you want your anabolic phrases to land on their own merit or would you rather land on the down note.

Can and Can’t: These 2 words are simple.  You are saying I choose to and I don’t choose to.  Now sometimes we are physically unable to do things and if we were able to choose we would. Like say for instance fly on our own accord. That said if you are, let’s say invited to a party it is completely ok to say you are unable to go due to a prior engagement but (and yes I just used the word but on purpose) if you can’t? No.  You are choosing to go to your prior engagement. Everything you do in life is a choice.  Be empowered with your thinking and choose how you respond.  Be the cause of your life not at the effect of it.

Again back to the shoulds, needs, can’ts and buts…. How do you want to approach life? Empowered and anabolic? To quote one of my favorite children’s poets Shel Silverstein:

 

“Listen to the mustn’ts, child. Listen to the don’ts.

Listen to the shouldn’ts, the impossibles, the won’ts.

Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me…

Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.” 

 

Listen to how you think….

Energetically,

~Sarah

 

A Proposal That Gets Me Thinking… May 27, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — sarahhamiltoncoaching @ 11:03 AM
Tags: , , , ,

This phenomenal marriage proposal that’s been flying around the internet and the news has got me thinking.  Not only was I, like everyone else crying by the end, (then again I cry at Hallmark commercials) but I was flabbergasted at how much effort the boyfriend put into his proposal.   I dare you to watch it and not be moved.  On the news he said he only rehearsed it once since he and many of his friends are actors but how much planning and choreographing went into what he did for someone he loves?  That said how far are you willing to go to achieve what you love?

I used to work with high school kids and would say to them find something that you love so, that which you call work won’t feel like work at all.  The more you love something the easier it is to do.  Are you doing everything possible to achieve what it is that you want? Not everything you think you could do?  Go, Go, Go! And let’s just say it I love, Love!

Play full-out and like Issac get creative!

Energetically,

~Sarah

P.S. I just watched it again and with a huge smile on my face and tears in my eyes. 🙂
 

I Want it NOW Daddy! May 21, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — sarahhamiltoncoaching @ 8:08 AM
Tags: , , , , ,

I’m sure you all have heard the line,”I want it now, Daddy!” from the famous Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory’s colorful character, Veruca Salt…

Often times when reaching for a goal be it personal, spiritual or work related we all get a little impatient when waiting for results.  This impatience can inform us as to where we are in relation to our goal or it simply could be Veruca rearing her ugly head…

If we have faith that it, the goal will arrive and you are doing all the steps necessary, (playing full-out as in last weeks post) then place an order with the waiter and trust that it’ll show up.  You know how when you’re at a restaurant and you place an order with the waiter, you trust that it’ll be on your table within a certain amount of time.  Going after your goal is a bit like that.  Doing the work then trusting in the out coming. I mean hey, we all can get impatient about when the out come arrives… But that is usually due to not truly trusting that it will arrive so by having it arrive now! you know you’re not walking down the wrong alley. And it could be that you simply want the fruits of your labor now… No matter what it all boils down to trust.

I have written before that life, a relationship and/or a goal have no finish line if it’s in alignment with who you are. And if a job or goal doesn’t transpire it’s the beginning of something else so in reality there is no end.  Think more about that and wanting it  now! may abate a bit…

Or just start signing… It helped Veruca!

Energetically,

~Sarah

 

Playing Full Out! May 15, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — sarahhamiltoncoaching @ 9:05 AM
Tags: , , ,

I’ve been talking to my clients recently about playing full-out.  Imagine you are playing a game of kick ball…. The sun is shinning.  You have all your friends around you on your team and the away team are people you don;t know.  Are you the one standing up and cheering for each team mater as they go to kick?  Do you even cheer for the apposing team?  Are you giving %110 when it’s your time to play?  Whether you win or lose do you respond exactly the same way… With absolute Joy and passion?  Do you find a take away every time you play so that you learn something?

Or do you…..

Sit on the bench and just watch?  Do you only cheer if someone kicks a home run? Do you cheer if you win and sulk when you lose? And when it’s your time to kick you give it just what it needs to get you to first base? And at the end of it all you walk away only to repeat the same actions as before the next time you play?

These are just a few thoughts about playing full-out… They’re all applicable to life. Giving your all to everything you do with passion and joy is exciting not only for you but for those around you who witness your experience and actions.  Learning from each experience so that you can be greater in the next it such a wonderful way of living life.  I’m all for playing full-out.  And every now and then I have to ask myself, “Are you playing small?” so then I can shift to the next level of Joy.

 

So for the week I highly invite you to look at how you’re playing in your life and then Play Full-Out!

 

Kick that Ball!

~Sarah